The maid of honor just puked.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
