no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
