Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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