ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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