idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize