she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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