about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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