It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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