Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she woke up with a sticky ear
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
