I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize