Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
