Already got asked if we're dating
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
