i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
