I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
