Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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