i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
