yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
