shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she told me i tasted like america
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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