I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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