Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
