I just saw a hot homeless man
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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