Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
