this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
