i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize