Your face is a jimmy john
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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