Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I will pee on everything he values.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
