driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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