instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
