dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
