babies were throwing up all over the place
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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