The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize