You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
