Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
