Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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