this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
