Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
