Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
