I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
