i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
