he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
