i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
