come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
