I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
