I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
