Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
