I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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