Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
