I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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