never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
