Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
