so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
