we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
