just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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