just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Watching her eat just hurts me
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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