the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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