Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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