I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
