I must be too annoying 4 u.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize