just come out here and I will go home with you...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Randomize
