We won't sleep together?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
