Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
