How'd it feel making her break her religion?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
