Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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