Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
