You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
