dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
