ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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