i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
