i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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