It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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