alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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