I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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